The Art of Listening
When communicating with someone, it is easy to hear them. It is a much more evolved person who can truly listen.
When we simply hear someone, we are receiving the words they’re speaking. At the same time, we may be formulating our response or having our mind wander to a totally different topic altogether. Or we too focused on delivering our own message that we don’t leave an opportunity in the conversation for the other person to say much of anything. Or the questions we ask are an “either/ or” in nature (ie “Do you like red or blue?”) and limit the answer rather than giving the other person the opportunity to respond to an open-ended question (ie “What is your favorite color?”)
Listening is an art form and developing that skill allows for a depth of personal and business relationships that you can’t achieve otherwise. When we listen, we receive the complete message, are receptive to body language and tone of voice, and detect that which is unspoken. We may also ask for clarification using open-end questions and focus on understanding the other person’s perspective. We are pausing after the other person finishes speaking and asking a polite “anything else?” question instead of jumping right in with our own agenda. We are comfortable with silence.
If we want to develop our listening and communication skills, there are a few techniques that we can put into practice immediately.
(1) Leave an opportunity for others to share their opinions without you telling them what to do and what to think. Ask an open ended question such as “what are your goals for this project?” and then stop. Let the other person speak.
(2) Maintain eye contact, nod at appropriate times, take notes when needed, watch for body language cues.
(3) When the person stops, consider counting to five in your head before you even begin to speak. (This is especially important on the phone because you do not have visual cues to guide you.)
(4) Consider reflecting on their points with a statement such as “If I understand you correctly, you want… Is that correct?”
(5) For those of us who really like to jump in and have a challenge with silence, consider holding a squishy ball (or other non-distracting tactile object) and giving it a squeeze when you need to remind yourself to hold on and listen instead of jumping in.
A valuable quote (source unknown) regarding this listening art is:
“Listen a hundred times. Ponder a thousand times. Speak Once.”
